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The Weight Of Resentments

A teacher once told each of her students to bring a clear plastic bag and a sack of potatoes to school. For every person they refuse to forgive in their life's experience, they chose a potato, wrote on it the name and date, and put it in the plastic bag. Some of their bags were quite heavy.

They were then told to carry this bag with them everywhere for one week, putting it beside their bed at night, on the car seat when driving, next to their desk at work.

The hassle of lugging this around with them made it clear what a weight they were carrying spiritually, and how they had to pay attention to it all the time to not forget and keep leaving it in embarrassing places. Naturally, the condition of the potatoes deteriorated to a nasty smelly slime. This was a great metaphor for the price we pay for keeping our pain and heavy negativity! Too often we think of forgiveness as a gift to the other person, and it clearly is for ourselves!

Forgiveness is the fragrance the flower sheds on the heel that crushed it.

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Overachieving & Overreaching -  A Sign of ImbalanceSometimes when we don't feel good enough, we create imbalance by overachieving or needing to be the best at something.Overachievers are people who have achieved but still feel the need to do more, creating an imbalance in their lives. People who exhibit this behavior may be trying to compensate for feelings of insecurity & doubts about their worth. They may be chasing unresolved issues from their past into the present, or they might not be looking at their lives as a whole, but judging themselves based only on one aspect of their being. If this is a word that we’ve heard used with respect to our choices & lifestyle, it is worth examining in order to balance our lives for a more rewarding experience.

If we find that we cannot allow ourselves to experience & enjoy the present moment, putting pleasure off into some distant future, it may be a sign that we are being driven to achieve more than is truly necessary. Pushing ourselves beyond the point of exhaustion, or to the exclusion of important people in our lives, robs us of true & meaningful joy. Once we make the connection to the eternal part of us, it can nourish us & allow our priorities to shift from chasing after an elusive feeling to being fully present in the moment so that we can live our lives in the now.

Sometimes we need to look to those we love & admire in order to realize what we value about life. We can take time to note what we like about others, & then turn the mirror to reflect the light of those same words & feelings toward ourselves. It can be quite a revelation to see ourselves in this nourishing light. When we can put the energy that we’ve been devoting to a phantom sense of achievement into the truly satisfying aspects of our lives, we can restore the balance between our inner and outer worlds and experience true joyful peace.

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Pay it Back by Arthur Rosenfeld

Just before Christmas of 2007, I steered into a Starbucks drive-thru line for a cup of tea on my way to teach a morning tai chi lesson. There were a few cars in line & I got in behind them. When my turn came I gave my order at the billboard menu & moved up as far as I could while waiting patiently for the cars in front of me to get through the cashier line. While the South Florida weather would probably would have felt tropical to much of the rest of the country, I was a bit chilled & was looking forward to my hot drink.

The fellow in the SUV behind me reached the menu. Dissatisfied with the alignment between his mouth & the microphone, he laid on his horn, leaned out his window, yelled an insult & exhorted me to move up. There was nowhere to go. I was in a line & mere inches separated my car from the one in front of me.

Indignant at rudeness, I felt my temper come up & because I am a pure & enlightened being who entertains nothing but positive thoughts, I reached for the door handle with the intention popping out of the car, taking a few steps, reaching into his open window, & sending him to the dentist for a holiday visit. I'll show you what happens to rude & impatient people, I thought. I'll teach you that a martial artist is waiting in every car around you with the express mission of settling the world down into just the fair, quiet & patient place they think it should be. Running that tape in my head, my ire grew even further. Testosterone & adrenaline flooded my body & in a few seconds I had transformed from the peaceful, content, slightly thirsty writer/teacher to a raving lunatic. My heartbeat was up, my hands were clammy, my muscles were tense, & the whole world had constricted down to the tiny business of completing my hostile mission.

Then I glanced in the mirror. The face of the impatient driver behind me was florid & twisted with anger & hate. I refocused my eyes & noticed that my own face didn't look much different. Whatever plague had taken him had penetrated the steel & glass of my car to infect me too, robbing me of my much-vaunted equilibrium, my peace, my balance, my equanimity--precisely that thing that my beloved tai chi training, & the Chinese philosophy behind it prizes most highly.

I teach my students that it is best not to lose that balance - wuji in Chinese - through meditation, breathing, & tai chi training, but when you do, you can use any of 3 "doors" to get it back. Door number 1 is meeting force with force: I could go ahead & start a fight. Door number 2 is yielding: I could kowtow on the concrete, admit to being an idiot, & beg the other driver's forgiveness. The best option, however, is door number 3. That door is different every time. The trick is to figure out what that is.

The car in front of me moved off & I pulled up to pay.

"I'd like to buy the coffee for the guy behind me," I said.

The barista looked at me in surprise. "But he's a jerk!"

"Just having a bad day, " I said. "Happens to the best of us.”

"A random act of kindness, eh?”

I shook my head, thinking how I could explain door number 3 to her before the guy rammed my bumper with his. "Not really. I'm not doing it for him; I'm doing it for me. I was mad right back at him, but now that I'm doing this I feel much better."

I had only a $10 bill in my wallet & I handed it over. She checked her order screen. "He has ordered breakfast for 5 people. It's a lot more than 10 dollars."

That gave me pause. I'd already regained my wuji. Did I really need to go through with more? I took out my credit card & handed it over.

She searched my face. "You're sure?"

“Do it," I said.

After I'd signed the charge slip, I drove away without a backward glance. I had found my door number 3 was finished with the act & indeed I was already forgetting about it. I didn't want to meet the guy on the road, either to hear thanks or more yelling, so I took a circuitous root to my lesson, avoiding the main highway.

Six hours later, I returned home to find my answering machine full of messages from the Starbucks manager, & from a reporter for NBC news. They had me from my credit card information. Apparently the guy behind me had continued my act of giving & the person behind him had done the same, and on & on. No doubt encouraged by the store manager, the chain was intact well into the afternoon. NBC covered the story.

The news spread around the world. Within 24 hours I had received calls & e-mails from as far away as Australia. The key point, of course, is that I had performed a random act of consciousness rather than a random act of kindness. I'd nearly lost my cool, had retrieved it, & done something good for myself & someone else in the process.

In a sense, you can think of this as self-centered, but in a good way. Keeping your cool, maintaining your wuji is

just like putting your own oxygen mask on in a damaged airplane before helping those around you. If you pass out, you can't help anyone. If you lose your temper, you are of no good to the world. Cool, calm & collected you are ready & willing to participate in the world.

Violent crimes and burglaries are up this holiday season. The financial crisis is creating anxiety, depression, desperation and anger. Spread the word about wuji. Do your best to control your own feelings before acting rashly. Think twice before doing or saying something you'll regret. Random acts of consciousness are perhaps even more contagious than random acts of kindness. Raise your level of view, dig deep for perspective, and help make this a more peaceful holiday season for everyone.

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Dealing with Worry

Once, a professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students,

'How much do you think this glass weighs?' '0.5 kg.!' ....'0.8kg.!' .....'1 kg.!' ......the students answered.

'I really don't know unless I weigh it,' said the professor, 'but, my question is:

“What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?'

'Nothing' the students said.

'OK what would happen if I held it up like this for 1 hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the students.

'You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?'

'Your arm could go numb, you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis; have to go to hospital for sure' ventured another student.

All the students laughed.

'Very good. But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?' Asked the professor.

'No,' replied the students.'

'Then what caused the arm ache; the muscle stress? Instead, what should I do?'

The students were puzzled.

'Put the glass down' said one of the students.

'Exactly!' said the professor. 'Life's problems are something like this. Hold them for a few minutes in your head; they seem OK. Think of them for a long time; they begin to ache. Hold them even longer; they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything.'

It is important to think of the challenges in your life, but EVEN MORE IMPORTANT to 'put them down' at the end of every day before you go to sleep. That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh, strong, can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

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Getting Run Down -  Recharging Your Batteries.
Getting worn out & run down robs you of receiving what you need from the universe.

Our natural state of being is vibrant, happy to be alive. Yet, there can be times when we feel run down & worn out. This does not mean that we are lazy or unfit for the tasks in our lives; it means that we need to recharge our batteries & find a way of keeping them charged. Vitamins & extra rest can be very helpful in restoring our physical bodies. And if we are willing to delve deeper, we may discover that there is an underlying cause for our exhaustion.

Whenever you are feeling run down, take an honest look at how you have been thinking, feeling & acting. You will likely find a belief, behavior pattern or even a relationship that is out of alignment with who you really are. Perhaps you believe you have to be perfect at everything or you have been bending over backwards to get people to like you. Maybe you are dealing with mild depression or simply have too much on your plate right now. There may also be people or situations in your life which are draining your energy. Once you get clear on the root cause, you can weed it out & better direct your flow of energy in the future.

In time, you might notice that the reasons you feel run down have less to do with how much you are doing & more to do with the fact that in your heart, you would rather be doing something else entirely. From now on, try & listen to what your heart really wants. It may take meditation, or just a moment of silent tuning in to gain the clarity you need, but it is well worth the effort. When you know what you truly want to do &d honor that in all situations, you will find that getting run down is a thing of the past.

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The Unseen World -  What We Can’t See
Exploring the unseen world can be well worth your while as there are many gifts awaiting you there.

Just because we can’t see something doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, although this is a common way in which people deny the existence of spirit guides, Masters & other unseen helpers in our lives. However, anyone who has encountered such beings can attest to the fact that they do, indeed, exist, just as our breath exists, keeping us alive, even though we can’t see it. The wind exists, too, but we only know this because we feel it on our skin & hear it moving the leaves on the trees. All around us & within us are things we can’t see & yet we know they are just as real as the grass beneath our feet.

What we see & don’t see may just be a matter of perspective, like the ladybug who sees the leaf on which she sits, but not the tree the leaf grows on, or the person sitting beneath it. And the person beneath the tree may or may not see the ladybug, depending on where he focuses his attention. Still, all of these things, whether seen or not seen by the person or the ladybug, exist in reality. Some people are more gifted at accessing that which we cannot see, but given an open & willing heart, anyone can tune into the invisible realm & begin to find their way.
Human beings have always done this, and it is only recently that we have fallen into distrusting the existence of what we can’t see. If you have lost touch with the unseen world, all you have to do is resolve to open your heart to its existence & it will make itself known. Closing your eyes in meditation & visualization, or engaging the unseen through the written word, are just two ways to welcome the invisible back into your life. Whatever you choose to do, cultivating a relationship with that which you can’t see is a time-honored human practice that can greatly enhance your life.