As my dad used to say, “water seeks it’s own level.”
Being a a loving compassionate person has nothing to do with slumming it vibrationally.
Where this dynamic sneaks up on us is in the realm of friendships. As we mature & experience life, we naturally grow & evolve, which means that our friendships must also adapt.
Sadly, sometimes it’s necessary to call a weed a weed in the garden of our friendships & do a little pruning. While it’s admirable to have life long friendships, the truth is, people change. Not everyone wants to take responsibility for the life they’re living & when toxic friends aren’t happy, they tend to pull everyone around them down too.
This isn’t about the friend that goes through a rough spot & needs some extra time & attention, it’s about the overview of your entire friendship. Has it been a back and forth volley or a one way serve?
If you have a huge heart & you’re a loving person, it’s easy to ignore the signs, but toxic people are easy to spot once you know what to look for.
So ask yourself:
1. Are you exhausted after spending time with them?
Give them an inch and they’ll take nine million miles. You know who I’m talking about. What starts as an innocuous conversation ends with you feeling tired & drained. What happened? A brief conversation with them happened.
Spend time at the water cooler sharing small talk & suddenly you’re ready for a nap. Talk to another mom on the school yard for ten minutes and you’re ready to put yourself down for the day.
2. Are you unable to fit a word in edgewise?
You know who I’m talking about: the phone call when you find yourself uh huh’ing repeatedly without actually having a conversation. Your friend goes negative on you and suddenly you’re listening to their list of woes in life & acting as a stand in therapist.
This isn’t about a friend in need or one going through transition, it’s about those people who talk at you rather than with you - all of the time.
Admittedly it can be hard to stay in touch with how you’re feeling as toxic friends can be sneaky and subtle, but when someone wants to complain instead of problem solve, pull out your sword & start trimming your time with them.
3. Speaking of time, are people respecting yours? Are you?
Some people will drone on & on even when you’ve said you’re busy and can’t talk right now. In these times a sharper sword is needed. This is your time & ultimately your life, and right now it’s being filled with someone else’s sloppy boundaries.
4. How are you feeling? The biggest tool in your bag IS your body.
When you silently scan your body while talking to someone, you’ll either feel relaxed and in the moment, or you’ll be clenching something. If you’re holding your breath and looking desperately for a way to break into their long-winded speech, you are being talked at and sucked dry. This isn’t a sign of a healthy friendship.
Time with a healthy friend should leave you smiling, inspired and feeling full and happy.
5. Are you caught in the gossip trap?
Gossip might make you feel bonded to a friend, but it’s draining. Participating in gossip wilts your petals faster than any toxic friend could on their own because once you spill their gossip, you’re the one left holding the empty bag feeling terrible.
Avoid gossips at all costs by closing the door on people in your life that love to do it. Chances are they will eventually gossip about you anyways, so protect yourself.
6. Do you withhold positive news from them so they aren’t jealous?
True friends are happy when your life is going well. Toxic friends are jealous and will compare their own life to yours instead of celebrating your wins.
Disrespecting your time, constant negativity, gossiping, complaining rather than problem solving, jealousy, and routinely taking instead of giving are toxic behaviors for which boundaries were invented.
Clearing your life of toxic friendships takes courage, but if you trust your heart, time eventually delivers like- minded people into your life. And that my friend, is well worth the wait.
